Ball markers are one of those bits of golf kit nobody thinks about until they're stood over a putt with nothing but a five pence piece and a vague sense of shame. They're also, it turns out, one of the easiest ways to give a golfer's bag a bit of personality — because unlike a lot of golf gear, a marker is small enough that a bit of humour doesn't feel out of place.
We've got ten different golf ball markers in the shop at the moment, all £9, all designed in the UK by Sinking Birdies, and all built around the same idea: golf is genuinely funny if you let it be. Here are a few of our favourites, and why they might suit — or wind up — a particular golfer in your life.
Mr 3 Putt
The Mr 3 Putt Golf Ball Marker is exactly what it sounds like, and that's rather the point. It's the marker for the mate who always asks to borrow yours — hand them this one and they'll never need to ask again, and you'll never need to wonder where the joke came from.
Misfortune Cookie
For golfers who've made peace with the fact that luck plays a bigger part in this game than skill, there's the Misfortune Cookie Ball Marker. As the product description puts it, it's "a harsh reminder that golf is hard" — which, if you've played more than one round in your life, you'll know is simply true.
The Gilmore
Named for the golfer everyone pretends they're channelling off the tee, the The Gilmore Golf Ball Marker is a nice nod for anyone who swings out of their shoes on the driving range and then has to find their ball three fairways over.
Bogey Machine
Not every round is a career highlights reel, and the Bogey Machine Golf Ball Marker is for the golfer who can laugh about that — the one who's made peace with "churning out bogey after bogey," in the shop's own words, and would rather own it than hide it.
There's also Birdie Train for the golfer who's actually playing well and wants to say so, plus Saving Par, Bogey Report, Sugar Skull, Birdie Sauce and Fresh Slices rounding out the set — all £9, all in the same playful spirit. A few of the designs, like Birdie Train, turn up again on our magnetic golf towels and headcovers too, so if a marker lands well you can build a little matching set around the joke rather than starting from scratch each time.
Why a marker makes a decent gift
The honest case for a ball marker as a gift is a practical one before it's a funny one: every golfer needs one, most people's is scuffed, borrowed, or a random coin from their pocket, and £9 doesn't ask anyone to overthink a present. It works as a stocking filler, a "thanks for having me" gift after a round at someone else's club, or just something to drop in a card. It's not going to change anyone's handicap, and we wouldn't tell you it would — but it might get a laugh out on the course, which counts for something too.
If you're buying for someone whose game leans more "aspirational" than "accurate," The Gilmore or Bogey Machine will probably land better than Birdie Train. If they're the reliable, steady sort who pars their way round without much fuss, Saving Par or Mr 3 Putt fits the bill. And if in doubt, Misfortune Cookie is close enough to universally true that it works for almost anyone who's ever three-putted from four feet — which, let's be honest, is everyone.
You can see the full set of markers, along with the matching towels and headcovers, on the site now.